Cold Days, Long Nights
by GhostRegion
Summary: Santana can't accept that they're over, she needs Brittany in her life. She loves her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this fic, it could be a long multi-chap or just a three shot. Anyway thanks for reading, reviews appreciated.

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She drew the cigarette to her lips, delighting in the way the acid smoke filled her lungs. She watched as the smoke danced across the night sky. Drawing her eyes from the smoke patterns she surveyed the New York skyline, the lights didn't shine, the buildings seemed small and unimpressive and all the life of the city meant nothing. Santana knew that nothing had changed about the city, it was still the great place that brought flocks of tourists daily, but without her it lacked soul. Without Brittany her life was grey, as if when she left she took all the colours with her.

It had been three weeks since their agreement, three weeks of regret. When Brittany told her that long-distance just wasn't working she had foolishly agreed on their separation, she knew Brittany had to move on with her life, lately neither of them had enough time for Skype or long phone-calls or enough money to visit each other and she knew it was ridiculous to hold on to the hope that they would stay constant in each other's lives but she wished there was a way, wished that they could go back to high-school, when they were so wrapped up in each other that they had no cares in the world.

Stubbing out the cigarette, she turned back to enter the apartment, Kurt and Rachel were out doing something gay and she was left alone with her thoughts. She sat down on the sagging, old sofa (Kurt says its vintage chic) and glanced down at her phone, she just wanted to call her. She missed hearing her voice, she missed everything about her. Deciding against calling her ex-lover, she poured herself another glass of wine. She was getting drunk alone in her apartment on a Friday night in New York, how depressing.

After about half an hour of flicking through the TV she lifted herself from the couch, touched up her makeup and left the apartment into the night. Just as the skyline had dulled, so had the thrill of the nightlife. When they first moved to New York she thought she'd never tire of the constant thrum of music and the swathes of people but without the presence of love in her heart everything just became droll. Walking down the crowded streets of the city she realised she had no idea where she was going, but she continued her walk to nowhere hoping that her feet would lead her to Brittany.

Her legs began to grow tired after a while so she entered some bar with the intention of getting super drunk. Taking a seat at the bar she noticed a guy with a horrible haircut in a leather jacket giving her the eye from the other end, hoping she could get a few drinks out of the poor guy she winked. He sauntered over and took a seat beside her giving her a confident smile as he sat down.

"Did you know you have a dead squirrel attached to your scalp or were you walking through central park and one just fell on you?" She said with a devilish smirk.

"You don't dig the mohawk? You're the only chick I've met that isn't down with the Puckasaurus-rex's mane!" The male responded, his eyes were bright with interest for the fiery woman.

"Hold up, what did you just refer to yourself as? Jesus Christ, are you eight?" She fired back, rolling her eyes.

"22, actually... and my names Puck so it's like a cool nickname... anyway what's a beautiful woman like you doing at a bar alone?" Puck said, losing some of the bravado he had previously.

"Well, my girlfriend broke up with me and I'm drinking away my sorrows, you? I'm guessing it's a similar situation for you because I would totally break up with you for that hideous animal on your head" She quipped.

"Girlfriend? And stop hating on the 'hawk, what's it done to you?" He said distractedly, busy focusing on gaining the barman's attention.

"Yep, I'm like totally gay so if you were planning on getting laid go find yourself another female" She replied, rolling her eyes.

"Do you really think I'm only after sex? I'm a classy gentleman, I simply wanted some company and the gay things totally cool with me" Puck said feigning hurt. "What would like to drink?"

She looked up and noticed the blonde barman standing in front of them; he had the same innocent aura that Brittany held. "Scotch, make it a double, no ice." She said sharply at the blonde man.

Puck gave her a wide-eyed look before ordering his beer and handing a few notes to the barman. "So tell me, what happened with this girlfriend of yours?"

"We were together throughout high-school, I moved to New York and she stayed back in Ohio, long story short: long distance sucks" She said bringing the drink to her lips.

"Ah, well I'm sorry about that, do you still love her?" He questioned

"If I didn't still love her would I be at this stupid bar, talking to a stranger and drinking whiskey?" She answered pointedly.

"Point taken, are you gonna try and win her back or just sulk for the rest of your life?" He looked to her expectantly.

"When did you become a life coach? And I don't know, I mean she was the one that wanted to end it, so I guess she doesn't love me anymore or whatever" Santana sighed, taking another sip of her scotch.

"Hey now, she definitely loves you, like maybe it was tough for her to be away from you too and she just couldn't deal? I think you should fight for her, don't let her go" He said softly, gently squeezing her arm encouragingly.

"Thanks Puck, I just don't know whether it's worth it, let's stop talking about me; what are you doing spending your Friday night giving a lesbian relationship advice?" She enquired, arching one eyebrow at him.

"Well, I was bored at home so I thought I'd go and get a drink, then I saw a beautiful woman-" Santana rolled her eyes at Puck. "-But she left so I decided to come and talk to you" He said with a wink. Santana clutched her chest, faking hurt and then punched him lightly on the arm.

"No I'm kidding, you're gorgeous, I guess I just like talking to people, it's better than watching Castle re-runs alone, right?" He said with a broad smile and the more Santana spoke to him, the more she began to like the guy.

They chatted lightly for around an hour, although Puck wanted to seem like a player and had a terrible hair cut he was actually a very sweet guy. She paused the conversation when she felt a buzzing in her pocket.

_**Israeli Dwarf:** Santana, it is rather late and although I know you are a responsible adult I am your friend and roommate and therefore care for your well-being. Please notify me of your whereabouts, Kurt and I were alarmed when we came home to an empty apartment, I thought you had been kidnapped but Kurt managed to quell my fears and we guessed you had just gone out. In future please inform us when you are going out. Get home soon, walking through our neighbourhood during the day is scary enough. –R_

She scoffed at Rachel's text and quickly replied telling her she was at a bar and that she'd be home within the hour. She looked over at Puck who was finishing his third beer.

"I gotta go or my roommate will send out a search party, it's been nice talking to you and thanks for the drinks" She said softly as she pulled on her jacket.

"Here's my number, if you ever want to talk again, just call" He said, placing a crumpled piece of paper in her hand.

She turned to leave the dark bar, checking her phone quickly before pushing the dark wood door.

"Hey- Wait! What's your name?" Puck called from his seat at the bar.

"Santana" She yelled from the exit and gave the man a small wave before entering the cold night once more.

Although she still had an ache in her chest, Puck had improved her night and he was right, she couldn't just let Brittany go or she'd regret it. She wasn't sure if it was just the alcohol but things seemed just a little brighter.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Just a short filler chapter while i work out what i want to do with this fic, sorry its so short!

Thanks for reviewing, and ofcourse Brittana is endgame!

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Santana woke up slowly; her head fuzzy from last night's drinking. She reached out to grab her phone, knocking over everything on her bedside table, and checked the time; words could not express how overjoyed she was that it was Saturday, she had no classes and only one short shift during the afternoon. She worked at a cheap cafe and she hated it but she needed a job, so she'd deal with the greasy guys constantly hitting on her. Lazily she rolled back into bed, hoping to drift off back to sleep but with no such luck as she heard the loud, annoying voice of one Rachel Berry.

"What do you mean you only liked her photo? That shows interest Brody! And it wasn't just one photo, it was THREE! You may as well be shouting 'Engage in sexual intercourse with me' at her, Jesus Christ!" Rachel screamed down the phone.

Brody was Rachel's boyfriend and he was, in Santana's honest opinion, a massive douche. Deciding she was not going to get back to sleep while this argument continued, she got out of bed and threw on a pair of sweats and a large jumper. Leaving her room to enter the bathroom she could see Kurt giving tips to Rachel on ways to discipline Brody on his apparent 'facebook liking affair' in the living room, hoping to avoid detection she stalked quietly into the other room. Looking at her face in the mirror she realised that she had forgotten to remove her makeup last night, she wiped away the mess and grabbed two headache pills and quickly swallowed them.

Leaving the bathroom, she received raised eyebrows from her friends, who had apparently long finished their love advice chat and were waiting on her exit.

"What did you get up to last night?" Kurt asked, smirking at Santana's dishevelled appearance.

"Santana, I know you and Brittany are on a break or whatever; but isn't it a bit too soon?" Rachel said sharply.

"Hold up Berry, I didn't go to a gay bar or anything, I just had a drink and met a really sweet guy and then I went home before you guys reported me as missing to the cops" She replied, taking a seat on the couch next to her friends.

"Sweet guy, huh?" Kurt said with a wink.

"Ew no, god no, I mean he wasn't hideous, but I'm too gay. We genuinely just talked, his name's Puck" She held up her hands defensively and laughed at Rachel's relieved expression.

"Why did you decide to go to a bar and speak to a strange man? Think of what could have happened, especially without us knowing where you are!" Rachel said dramatically while Santana just rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Next time I'll leave a note, I promise Rach. So what's on our agenda for tonight?" Saturday was the one day where all of them had the evening off and they usually went out or had an extra-gay karaoke night-in with Blaine joining them through Skype.

"Could we just stay in? I'm kinda broke at the moment and saving to see Blaine, so..." Kurt explained, looking over to Rachel.

"Yeah, I've gotta go down to Lima next month for Mr Schue, something about a regional's disaster, so a night out wouldn't be ideal" Rachel looked down quickly "Actually, Santana, since me and Kurt will both be down there are you gonna stay here alone? I know you're a legal adult but it might get lonely, would you like to come down to Lima with us? The New-New Directions might need some extra latin flair, I understand if you don't want to with things with Brittany being off and all"

She thought back to what Puck had said, she wasn't gonna let Brittany go so easily and hell, she did miss her mom.

"Yeah sure, but can I stay with one of you guys? I don't know whether my Dad will be around and I'd just rather not have to deal with that" Her mom had been shocked and disappointed when she came out but had learnt to deal with it; her dad however had lost all contact with her. She knew her visits or calls to her mother caused great arguments between her parents so she usually just stayed at a motel but she couldn't really afford it.

"Of course San, you know how much my dads love you!" Rachel said, beaming at her. Hiram and Leroy tried to visit as often as they could, not only for their daughter but they absolutely loved the city and when Santana had struggled with being open about her sexuality they had helped her.

"Thanks Berry" She said, getting up to make coffee for the trio.

After being regaled with an extremely detailed review of the play they had seen last night from Rachel, with Kurt gushing about how hot the leading man was, she had to leave for work, promising to pick up two bottles of wine on the way back from her shift.

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Getting back to the apartment she was relieved to know that Rachel's ken-doll wouldn't be accompanying them, apparently he was still in the doghouse and had been sending Rachel needy 'take me back im sorry pls' messages since their disagreement this morning but she had taken Kurt's advice and ignored them all.

Pulling off her clothes she changed into the softest pair of pyjamas she owned and joined Kurt in the living room. There was some unwritten rule to their nights in that they must be in their most comfortable clothes, Kurt was snuggled on the couch wearing one of Blaine's sweaters and she just smiled at him as she watched him bring his sleeve to his face and inhale deeply, she usually wore Brittany's old cheerio jacket but nowadays it didn't bring comfort but instead reminded her of how bad things were between them. She didn't think that she'd ever go over a week without speaking to the blonde, but everything had changed.

She realised she had been staring at Kurt for a weirdly long time and waltzed over to the kitchen to grab their two and a half bottles of wine and glasses then placing them down on the coffee table she took her place on the couch next to him, awaiting Rachel's return.

She often thought about how weird it was living with Kurt and Rachel, they had never really been close at school; in fact she used to spend the majority of her time making their lives hell, but here they were living together, close friends, family.

"Penny for your thoughts" Kurt said, eyeing the latina.

"Nothing, just I really love you" Santana said, leaning into the boy.

"Oh god, please tell me it's not that time of the month! Or have you already started drinking? Please don't cry on this sweater, I'm pretty sure its cashmere" Kurt lightly pushed the girl away.

She giggled at Kurt's theatrical response. "No and no! Ay dios mios, can I not be nice without you suspecting something is wrong?"

"Nope, you're satan, remember?" He made some ridiculous growling noise which apparently represented her satanic side. "Although you're an evil monster, I love you too" He smiled at her and squeezed her hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews guys, it means a lot to me, I'll keep on going with this fic into a multi-chap I've written an outline so, woo! Anyway, love you all, here's chapter three.

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Santana and Kurt sat together while waiting for Rachel to get back from 'running errands' which they both knew meant accepting Brody's apology. She hated that guy; there was something shady about him. They had been brainstorming about Ken Doll's creepiness together until they heard the apartment door click open.

"Honey's, I'm home!" Rachel called, lacking her usual dramatic enthusiasm, walking to join the pair.

"Took long enough, did you and action man have some make-up lovin'?" She said wiggling her eyebrows and making Kurt giggle. Rachel just shot her a disapproving look and began to pour herself a glass of wine.

"Oh god, tell us all about it, what did he do? Santana's butch, she'll punch him for you!" He moved up on the sofa and patted the space beside him, inviting her to sit down.

"It was nothing, well I'm not sure, we were talking and then he got a call on a weird phone and left. Then I found some money in his drawers, like hundreds in cash. I don't know what to think, it's probably nothing" Rachel muttered, shrugging off her coat before taking a seat with her friends.

"Nothing!? The guy is clearly a drug dealer, oh my god, I always knew there was something off about him!"

"No, Santana, Brody is not a drug dealer. Just, I don't know, look I'll talk to him about it soon. I'm going to take a shower then I'll rejoin you" She huffed, getting off the couch and walking off to her room.

"Really Satan? The first thing you bring up when she gets in?" He paused, giving her a stern look "But oh my god we were right, he's totally living a creepy double life!"

"Maybe Berry's right though, he's too like white and clean to deal drugs, bet he's a stripper?"Santana quipped; Kurt just nodded in agreement his eyes wide.

"I would pay to see that, I mean his body is perfect! But seriously, what are we gonna do about grumpy-pants over there?" He said, pointing back at the bathroom.

"We'll do what we always do, make something star-shaped, let her choose the musical we watch and put on 'The Best of Barbra Streisand'" She never imagined herself putting in effort to cheer up Rachel Berry, but here she was. The weird, loud girl that she used to throw Slushies at had become one of her closest friends and there was nothing she wouldn't do to make her smile again because she was sure Rachel would do the same for her.

"Ugh, do we have to? I've had a bad week too!" Kurt sighed as Santana pulled him off the couch and into the kitchen to find something gross and vegan to turn into a star-shaped meal.

"Getting hit on by a cute british boy is hardly a bad week!" Kurt rolled his eyes and followed the latina.

They knew they had done a good job of improving Rachel's mood as they watched her belting out 'A Piece of Sky' drunkenly. Kurt couldn't resist joining her and Santana was just left giggling on the couch at the two.

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_**In Lima**_

She'd spent her days trying to distract herself from the emptiness. She tried her hardest to concentrate in class and filled her free-time with dance classes or extra tuition from Artie, although she needed the distraction from the loneliness she felt without Santana, she also had some crazy dream that if she kept working hard she'd be able to get into NYU and reunite with Santana. The only person that knew about her dream was Ms Pillsbury, well Mrs Schuester now, she had always thought the woman was just a bush-baby reincarnate that lurked around the school, but the woman was actually helpful. She'd given Brittany advice on scholarships and school fees and information on dance classes that would help her improve, but without Santana's usual constant encouragement she wasn't sure if her dream would ever become a reality.

It was a tough decision to make, to end it, but she felt like she was holding Santana back, that she deserved to find someone better, bigger; more New York but now at 2am she regretted her decision more than anything, no matter how many times she repeated the mantra 'it was for her, to make her happy' she couldn't get past how much she missed her, her sweet innocent smile that was only for her, even the terrifying Spanish rants, almost every day she would find herself hovering over her name in her phone but she would never find the courage to hit dial.

She thought back to when she told Santana she was thinking about them 'taking a break' and Santana had simply agreed, she kind of expected her to put up some sort of fight, but thinking about it now she probably already moved on, she's probably out in some cool underground club partying with her talented girlfriend right now. She sighed, deciding that thinking about Santana wasn't going to help her sleep and pulled her ex-girlfriends soft sweater from under her pillow and onto the floor. She then rolled over and shut her eyes, hoping that she'd be able to finally have a full-night's sleep.

She was jerked awake by her phone's annoying alarm; she quickly turned it off and looked around her room when she noticed Santana's sweater draped over a sleeping Lord Tubbington, it was pretty adorable. She wanted to just hide back in bed but she remembered she had to meet Sam today; slowly she dragged herself out of bed and got dressed.

Sam had become one of her closest friends, she was pretty sure they were separated at birth; I mean he was blonde too! Since things ended with Santana Sam had been there, he always cheered her up when she was down and listened when she needed to tell someone about her apocalypse theories.

But she always felt like Sam wanted to be more than just her super-awesome-blonde-buddy, sometimes he'd look at her the way Santana used to, or he'd hold eye contact just a few seconds too long. Sam wasn't hideous and she got along with him really well, but she still loved Santana and if they got together she was pretty sure it would be incest.

She threw on some clothes and left to meet Sam at the Lima Bean, neither of them liked coffee but it was the one place they could both find the way to without getting lost.

They chatted about the newest comic Sam had bought and it felt easy, it felt simple. Sam was simple, she thought about how easy it would be just to give up on her dreams of Santana and live some dull life with her twin, although it would be easy; she knew it wouldn't be right.

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**A/N:** So now we get to see what Britt is up to. Sorry the chapters are so short, im just really swamped with school crap at the moment, but over the holidays i should be get out longer chapters


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